Barnum & Beirut II

Mass Mediation

For those still confused by the bloody tangle of Lebanese politics, here is an up-to-date synopsis.

ABC camera crews have taken the airport. No one goes near the plane of interview the hostages on-board without their permission.

CBS has deployed minicams throughout West Beirut in a house-to-house search for militants not yet signed by the other networks.

NBC controls the bar of the Beirut Hilton, John Chancellor's monologues having driven out the competition.

Meanwhile the CNN camp is overcrowded with refugees from the Big Three. Commanded by shadowy strongman Ted Turner, its guerrillas roam the streets with Portapaks and phony securities, itching for a hostile takeover.

The feuding erupted into open warfare during the Iranian Hostage Crisis. In a bold series of Quantel moves, ABC's prime time forces under Ted Koppel succeeded in advancing their night line. Armed with sophisticated video graphics and satellite technology, they seized control of the ratings, deposing NBC from the peacock throne.

Flanking actions by the other network's late night new teams failed to dislodge ABC. In the meantime, militant young anchormen, abandoning their blow dryers for Koppel tactics and coiffure, have grown restless to test themselves in the heat of hostage crisis.

So long as the ratings war flares, there will be enough solid entertainment to last through the summer reruns. The only fear is some act of retaliation by Aaron Spelling. The news cannot challenge the supremacy of the miniseries and expect to go unpunished.